The 3 Steps to Finding Win-Win Solutions

Win-win solutions are the most desirable way to solve problems and conflicts. When you win and the other person wins, instead of one winning and the other losing, then everybody is happy and the relationship gets stronger as a bonus.

Although win-win solutions exist in many situations, it is often hard to see them. We need a special way of looking at things in order to discover them. I believe that finding win-win solutions happens through effectively applying 3 essential steps.

Step 1: Take your negative emotions out of the equation

The situations where win-win solutions are not evident and need to be found are situations where our interests initially seem to clash with those of another person. They are situations of apparent opposition and conflict.

It is in these kinds of situations that our negative emotions tend to manifest the most: the fear of losing, the anxiety of not finding a convenient way out, or the anger at the other person. These emotions, especially when they are intense, tend to cloud our judgment and our creativity, which are the exact tools we need to find a win-win solution.

This is why it’s fundamental that you detach from any negative emotions. Firstly, recognize them when they manifest and bring into your awareness the fact they sabotage the process of finding a solution. Secondly, combat the irrational thoughts you may have which feed these emotions. This is in my view the most effective way to deal with them.

Step 2: Focus on the solution

If at the emotional level we have the inconvenience of negative emotions, at the behavioral level we have the trouble brought by passive and aggressive communication. It’s very tempting in a conflict situation to communicate this way: to justify ourselves, blame the other person, criticize, avoid the discussion or dig up the past.

As we do this, we lose track of finding a win-win solution and so we do not find one. The best way to avoid this phenomenon is to anticipate that it may happen and to notice your focus and communication style in conflict situations. And, every time you catch yourself or the other person straying from the solution finding process, bring the focus and the conversation back to it.

Step 3: Explore the context and options

A significant reason why we often don’t find a win-win solution is that we don’t insist hard enough with the solution finding process. We just give a shot in a semi-chaotic way, and then we give up. What we need to do is truly explore the context and the options.

In any conflict situation, start by ensuing that both parts agree to try and work together instead of fighting, and state their goals clearly. Continue by exploring the deeper motivations behind the stated goals and understanding each part’s story.

Then, get creative and generate solutions. Analyze each solution together; compare them in terms of costs and benefits for each side and agree on one win-win solution which best serves both parts. Finally, put that solution into practice. Stick to this process, apply it systemically, and if there is a win-win solution for your situation you will find it.

I believe it is always best to try and find a win-win solution to a conflict. Many viable solutions remain just unapplied theory because people don’t put in the effort to find them and don’t approach the whole process in a constructive, effective way.

We live in an abundant world, with many resources. It’s a pity to not find the best ways to use them and to not share them when this is a sound option.

15 Self-Improvement Tips From Starcraft Progaming

Have you ever played Starcraft? It’s a popular real-time strategy game that was first released in 1998. It’s also one of my favorite games. I still like it today although many newer, more sophisticated games have come out.

Some time ago I learned that there are people who make a living from Starcraft. In South Korea especially, Starcraft games are broadcasted live on TV and professional gamers (progamers) earn big sums of money.

Of course, being a Starcraft fan, I then browsed the materials on how to play Starcraft like a pro. There are tons of resources available. They give you not just specific game strategy and tactics but also tips to improve as a player.

I’m glad to find that many of the tips are also applicable to other fields. No matter what field you are in, you can apply them to improve yourself. They can help you become better at what you do.

I’d like to share what I’ve learned with you. For each point, I’ll give you relevant quotes from Starcraft resources (I list the resources at the end of the post).

Here are 15 self-improvement tips from Starcraft progaming:

1. Pay the price

Pros train 8 to 10 hours a day

There is no shortcut to success. If you want to be successful, you have to pay the price, be it with your time, money, or energy.

2. Study the best to internalize patterns

Studying the progames is a shortcut to figuring out the optimal actions in all situations.

Studying the best people in your field is essential. Why? Because it teaches you the right way to do things. But there’s more:

…merely watching very large quantities of pro games will help in establishing subconscious patterns.

Consistently studying the best people in your field helps you internalize patterns. Later on, when you face a certain situation, these ingrained patterns will enable you to make the right decision.

3. Do an active study

When deeply analyzing games it is crucial that you be actively pausing and thinking, asking questions such as: “What would I do here? Why does he make this move or idea instead?”… Actively compare your thought processes and decisions with what the pro actually makes.

Rather than just studying the best passively, be active and get involved in the thinking process. At every decision point, compare what you would do with what they do. It helps you understand how the best people think.

4. Experiment is your friend

This basic play is the result of countless hours of progamers playing each other and finding the most robust and powerful builds and styles.

How do you find the best strategies? By doing a lot of experiment. Experiment helps you refine your ideas and find the ideas that work.

5. Review your past performances

One important way to develop game sense is studying your own replays exhaustively… The primary benefit of doing so is to merge the details of your in-game perceptions where you are hindered by limited information with the accurate assessment of the replay. If you continuously compare your predictions with the real data, your predictions will definitely become better and better.

This is a good way to improve your decision-making ability. By doing this kind of review, you will be able to see gaps in your past thinking process. You can then adjust your assumptions to make better decisions next time.

6. Know what to do in every situation

Being fast is not about being able to move your hands. It is about knowing what to do in every given situation…

Some people think that being fast means moving faster than other people. But a much more important factor is knowing the right thing to do in every situation. Nothing wastes your time more than making the wrong decisions and doing the wrong tasks.

7. Find more efficient ways to do regular tasks

Given that you know what to do (see previous point), it does help to do your tasks faster. It’s especially helpful to find more efficient ways to do regular tasks since you will do them again and again.

In Starcraft, you need to use different buildings for different purposes throughout the game. Beginner players use their mouse to control the buildings. But good players use keyboard shortcuts that enable them to do things in a much faster way.

8. Take advantage of the situation

Do the map starting locations favor certain builds? Some have more open chokes, forcing them to do different openings. Thus you have better openings to take advantage of it.

Look at the situation you’re in. Does it have certain characteristics that make it suitable for certain actions? Is there an opportunity you can take advantage of?

9. Move out of your comfort zone

Another bit of advice. Never be afraid to lose. Try and go out of your comfort zone whenever you can. Losing if utilized correctly is a lesson to be learned.

…in order to keep improving your multitasking, you must keep playing players that are better than you, that push you, who make you struggle to even stay alive.

I like the way they put it. The point is, you must expand your personal capacity. If you keep doing things you’re already comfortable with, you’re not improving yourself.

10. Have a clear goal

To what purpose are you trying to improve at Starcraft? The only reasonable approach is to figure out your goal first, then make your means fit that goal…

Don’t waste your time by doing things aimlessly. Having a clear goal helps you make the right decisions. It helps you avoid spending time on unnecessary things .

11. Learn from those before you

If you want to be good at Starcraft you must study from those who have come before you. There’s no sense in trying to learn an accelerated 11 years worth of strategy on your own.

If you can learn from those before you, why should you learn things the hard way? Whatever you do, find as much information as possible from those who have done it. It will save you a lot of time.

12. Know why you do something

Thus there will come a point when you have a gap in your knowledge: you understand what is right, but not why it is right, and thus do not have the know how without a direct example of how to defeat inferior ideas…

Knowing what to do isn’t enough; you must also know why. Knowing why helps you adapt to unexpected situations because you understand the thinking process.

13. Dig forgotten wisdom of the past

Yet the best place to find unnoticed ideas and strategy is by studying older champions. There’s a lot of unknown territory out there to explore and realistically, almost nobody is going to look back in time to find ideas since they naturally assume everything has been learned and improved upon.

Many people look for good ideas in the present, but perhaps the best way to find good ideas is by digging the wisdom of the past.

14. Recognize good ideas when they show up

Did I have the ability to create that strategy? Absolutely not. But I recognized the value of the opening while others somehow did not.

Often you don’t need to find good ideas. You just need to spot them when they show up. Be observant and expect ideas in unlikely places.

15. Truly “get” something

Lastly, there is a significant difference between understanding an idea and truly getting it to the point where they can use that knowledge to react instantaneously to a new situation.

If something is important to you, don’t be satisfied with just knowing or understanding it. Immerse yourself in it until you truly “get” it, until you can use it to quickly react to new situations.

3 Disadvantages of Criticizing Others

Don’t you hate it when people criticize you? I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let myself get annoyed with people who are overly critical.

When somebody harps on you, judges you, condemns you, disapproves of you, rejects you, withdrawals their confidence from you, it can be extremely painful. Not only can criticism eat away at your self confidence, it can cause you to be offended by the criticizer, and put you on the defensive to justify your behavior.

Here are the three main disadvantages of mindlessly criticizing others:

1. Hurts another’s pride

Let me tell you a story about one of my former bosses. This is a totally extreme example to show you how bad criticism can be.

When I first started college, I worked at Taco Bell to pay the bills. The boss over the entire store was known for being one of the most critical and least friendly bosses. He would demoralize us by criticizing our work in totally uncool ways.

For instance, if we weren’t making Tacos fast enough, he would say that his Grandma could move faster than us. If we didn’t know how to do something, he would question our brain cell count. If we had to take a day off work, he would question our loyalty to the team.

The constant hounding really worked on people, and made them feel worthless. The pride in their work slipped, and they felt as if their work didn’t matter.

When people criticize us, it can eat at our pride and confidence in ourselves.

2. Causes resentment

When we feel that someone else is trying to put us down, it causes us to resent that person.

In my year and a half of working at the store the only positive comment I heard about the boss was that he “ran a tight ship, and got results.”

Surely, that was true. The store was the top in the district, and it’s where they sent managers from around the area to get trained.

But at what cost?

Ask anybody that worked for him, and they’ll say that he was one of the meanest, rudest, uncaring, and hurtful individuals that they had ever met. Sometimes he would even be sexist, and tell the women that they were “too slow,” to move over and let a real man do the job the way it was meant to be done.

I mean, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Many of the workers were too scared to say anything to his face. But behind his back everyone talked about what a jerk he was, and how much they couldn’t stand working for him. My co-workers and I prayed for the day we could find another job and get out.

The fact is, when other people criticize us, it’s easy to resent them and not have consideration for them. Anyone that attempts to devalue us, deflate us, depress us is going to take us away from what we really want: significance and approval.

3. Puts other on defensive

If we are criticized, and have the will to stand up to the other person, it puts us on the defensive and causes us to justify why we act the way we do.

By all accounts, some of the workers were slow at preparing the food. And, indeed they were purposefully slow because of all the harsh put-downs that the boss had slung their way. So when it came time for him to criticize them again, they would begin to justify why they were so slow:

“If only you’d pay me more, maybe you’d get more work out of me.”

“You’re not moving so fast yourself. Why should I move any faster?”

“You make me this way with all of your comments.”

“What about you? You’ve been sitting in the office all day.”

And so on.

Even though the time to get the food out was becoming horrendously slow, the workers felt they had no other choice but to justify their actions. They were, essentially, defending themselves against being devalued anymore.

As a result, the whole store suffered. The times of getting food out suffered. The quality of the food suffered. The relationships in the store suffered.

The criticism that was so generously dished out served to spin the store into a negative and unrewarding work environment. People stopped caring, and started complaining and criticizing back.

If we’re not careful, other people’s harsh criticisms can cause us to abandon our values and fight back with harsh criticisms of our own. We have to be careful to guard ourselves against becoming just like the unnecessarily critical people.

Your Turn: Have you ever been criticized to the point where you let the other person get under your skin? How did it feel? Are you proud of your reaction? What do you think is the best way to deal with people who are overly critical, and downright hurtful?

Have You Tracked Your Spending?

It’s an important question to answer. Tracking your spending may seem simple, but it can make a big difference in your personal finance. The sad truth is that many people don’t realize they are having financial problems until it’s too late. The simple habit of tracking your spending can help you avoid such a situation.

Make no mistake: even if you earn much, not tracking your spending could easily lead you into financial trouble. One example is Michael Jackson. He was a great artist and left a great music legacy. We can all learn from his passion and dedication. But, just as with me and other people, there are also things from his life that we should learn not to do. One of them is in personal finance. Here is what The New York Times wrote about it:

“It’s all a mess,” said one executive involved in Mr. Jackson’s financial affairs who spoke on the condition of anonymity out of respect for the entertainer’s family. “No one really knows what is going on, but these are early days.”

It’s estimated that he had between $400 million to $500 million in debts.

But why did it happen? How could someone who earned so much have such a big debt? The New York Times article explained why:

“He never kept track of what he was spending. He would indiscriminately charter jets. He would buy paintings for $1.5 million. You couldn’t do that every other week and expect your books to balance.”

This is an important lesson for all of us. No matter how much you earn, if you don’t track your spending then your personal finance would be out of control. Tracking your spending is essential because it gives you awareness of your financial situation. It helps you see whether or not you spend less than you earn which is arguably the most important rule to follow in personal finance.

So, if you haven’t tracked your spending, today is the best day to start. You can use a spreadsheet or a personal finance application like Mint and Quicken. It does take some effort, but the financial awareness and control it brings far outweigh the effort. Furthermore, getting your financial life in order is a good way to also get other aspects of your life in order. Why? Because not only having good financial habits frees you from financial worries, but also it can develop positive attitudes like discipline and responsibility. These attitudes will affect other areas of your life beyond personal finance.

7 Tips to Work More Efficiently

Ever wish the day was 2 hours longer? In today’s society we are expected to do more and more, and no one is giving us any extra time to do it.

But what if someone could give you some extra time?

These 7 tips have all saved me hours each and every week. They are easy to implement and will help you put all your energy into the right tasks.

1. Plan your week

Often we say “Every minute spent on planning saves 10 minutes in execution” and we all know it is true. If you are prepared and know exactly what needs to be done, how to handle unexpected situations and what to do first, you will be a lot more efficient. But for some reason we never get around to it, it takes time, is a hassle and well, we are lazy.

The fact is that if you spend 1 hour every Monday morning planning your week, writing down everything that needs to be done, prioritizing the list by importance and then deciding what should be done on Monday, what on Tuesday and so on, you will save hours during the week.

2. Plan your day

Just like when planning your week, spending some time on planning your day makes a large difference. Before I started planning my days I would often spend a lot of time checking my email or just looking for something important to do.

Now that I know exactly what I need to do today, and in what order, I can work efficiently from morning till the end of the day and get much more done then I used to.

3. Batch your activities

Every time you start a new activity, it takes time. You have to get everything you need in order to do the task, you need to get into the mindset and you need a little “warm up time” during which you don’t work as fast as when you have done something for a while. Once you are done with the task, you have to put everything away, and “cool off”.

This means that every time you start a new activity a lot of time is wasted. If you can let the work of each task build up so that they will take at least 50 minutes to complete you will spend a lot more time “in the zone” working at your highest level of activity.

Email is a great example. Instead of updating your inbox every few minutes, only check in once or twice a day.

4. When at work, work!

One problem we all have is that we don’t like to work (usually). Whenever a chance to stop working comes a long we usually lunge at it. Like when a friend comes in to your office to exchange some words, we are glad to put everything away and talk a little, often we will join them to the coffee machine and talk some more, before you know it you have lost 30 minutes of your work day.

When at work, work! Just because you are at the office it doesn’t mean you are working. Do everything you need to do during the day and once it is finished you can start talking to people and spend the time with your family, instead of talking during the day while you feel stressed over all the things you “really” should be doing.

5. Finish every activity you start

Leaving an activity half finished is a big source of stress. Whenever something is only half done, it gnaws at you and stops you from focusing on other activities.

On the other hand, when you complete a task a rush of endorphins is released into your system making you happy, pleased and relaxed. It gives you the energy to go on and complete the next activity.

Use this, once you start something, finish it. Get the endorphin rush and channel the new energy into completing the next task, giving you another boost and so on.

6. Focus all your energy on the most important activities

The much quoted 80/20 rule states that 80% of the value you create in a day will come from 20% of the activities you perform. Meaning, if you complete those 20% you will have done much, much more than if you complete all the rest.

What if you could focus all your time on those 20%? You bosses would love you because you generate so much value to the company and you will be able to work less, because all the time you spend is so well spent.

Go through all the activities you perform and see which ones are the most important. Find ways to focus more time on them.

7. Take a break!

The best way to save time is by relaxing! To be able to work hard and efficiently, you need to be of sound mind and be able to focus. Take a break once in a while and go for a walk, drink a cup of coffee or take a nap.

Just don’t let the relaxation take too much of your time!

6 Tips for Eating Healthy on a Budget

The benefits of a healthy diet are undeniable. Unfortunately, following such a diet can be costly.

But for us frugal folk who seek a healthy lifestyle there is hope. With a few tips we can effectively stock our pantries with high quality, healthy foods without breaking the bank.

Before we get started, however, let’s take a look at what eating healthy consists of:

Keep your intake of heavily processed and junk foods to a minimum.
Be aware of the amount of calories you intake. Not saying you need to count every calorie, but ultimately it’s calories in versus calories out that determines weight gain/loss.
Drink plenty of water.
Limit foods high in refined sugars and saturated fats (avoid trans fats at all costs).
Eat a balanced diet meaning get a good variety of all the food groups, especially vegetables and fruits.
Ok, so you’ve got a general idea of how to eat healthy. Now, let’s get right to it and learn how to eat healthy on a budget.

1. Plan your meals

Plan out your dinners and lunches at least a week in advance and write out a grocery list. Don’t forget to include healthy snacks to the list as well. Preparing your own meals is a great way to save money and since you control what goes in the food it makes it easier to eat healthy.

2. Frozen vs. fresh

Frozen fruits and vegetables are usually a lot cheaper than any produce you’ll find in the fresh section of your supermarket. And contrary to popular belief, frozen fruits and veggies are just as healthy as their fresh counterparts. Furthermore, since their shelf life is a lot longer you typically won’t be throwing away as much either.

3. Pass the salt

A diet high in sodium can lead to a host of health problems later in life. Limit the amount of salt you intake by purchasing low-sodium and no-salt-added food items, which generally don’t cost anymore than regular items. And pass on the salt completely when preparing your own dishes.

4. Make extra

If you find it hard to find time to cook then try making double when you do cook and freeze half for a quick meal at a later date. You may even save some money if you can quickly reheat a meal as opposed to running to the nearest fast-food restaurant.

5. Growing your own

Drastically cut your produce prices by growing your own. Start a garden or plant your favorite produce items in pots on your patio for an inexpensive way to eat healthy all season long. You can even take it a step further and plant your favorite herbs in small pots in your kitchen window.

6. Look low for inexpensive items

I mean this literally. Many grocery stores purposely put the more expensive items at eye-level. So, look a little lower for the cheaper or generic brands and save a little money. Most stores also post the cost per unit on the shelf so look closely at this and see what the best deals are.

A few quick tips:

Buy in bulk
Use cheaper varieties of meats when preparing stews
Look out for the day-old bakery cart and clearance bins
When you must eat out, eat half and take the rest home for a quick meal later
Don’t buy pre-cut veggies, instead cut them yourself
These are just a few ways to get the most bang for your buck so to speak. But, here’s another way you will be saving money by eating healthy – future healthcare costs! Taking care of yourself now through proper diet and exercise may prevent cardiovascular and heart disease, diabetes and cancer which are four of America’s biggest killers.